Pronouncements

Seize the day! Or don't. Whatever. But if you choose to, perhaps you will take inspiration in the following:

The sun is rising.

And it’s wild. West,

everything is still west for the moment, the mORning. The day.

Break me off a piece

of that bread.

Breed me a…break.

But not when you’re turning. Punch it! Lean in. LeaN back, so

you can really feel it

leather meets back, but

Butt, not as much, maybe

a little. It doesn’t matter.

A good turn is right, or left,

Or east, or watching the

Day capitulate. Capitulate.

Diane Ignacio Clivell

words whispered at the win_

dough rising on the

east, west, nOrth, south

of the evergreens that

sway and sway and sway

but only sometimes

and neVer at noon

pies and skies and

fear fumf sech

let it all rise…

if only so it will

set(tle) down with a nice cup of coffee

to go with it

Diane Ignacio Clivell

The summer is warm. Maybe too warm. That is, ultimately, not for ACAN to know or to profess to know. Stay hydrated my faithful. Enjoy the shade as you see fit. And here’s another one:

Extravagance to

dAnce and jazzy elegance

and shoes

the right shoes, maybe with the

taps

like the rain on the roof

tinny and aloof

lifTed high above all the

utter bullshit and chaos

Spock, come quick

tonight we dance in the star(s)

ship(ping) is free, of cOurse

Diane Ignacio Clivell

Do your best within reason. Eat whatever the heck you want-unless someone who you love and/or trust says otherwise. And enjoy:

tHe teeth are and

when we try to explain the bite

and wE fail to ear the sound

the throat swallows and

when we try to explain the are

the stomach rumbles and we

fail the Air

the knees knock

and the door swings

and the chicken cLucks

and we fail to remember all the things we swore we

would never try to explain as the

teeth aRe and

Diane Ignacio Clivell

No sense beating around the bush. No sense obfuscating the truth. ACAN’s growth has been…underwhelming. And so changes are afoot. We are doubling down on our core principle and so henceforth, less will no longer simply be more, LESS WILL BE MOST. Effectively immediately, ACAN followers are no longer encouraged to touch themselves non-intimately or otherwise. Effective immediately, ACAN followers are no longer encouraged to manage sugar intake. Effective immediately, followers are no longer encouraged to do anything whatsoever (except to abstain from ritualistic sexual abuse, but duh). Enjoy good people, enjoy!

Dear and gentle followers (and you less dear and less gentle followers as well, of course). I sense that amidst the tumult and uncertainty of our recent times, that perhaps some questions have arisen as to the relevance and meaning of ACAN. Well, let me assure you with great vigor and conviction: ACAN remains as relevant and meaningful as it never was! So hold your head high, touch yourself with dignified jocularity, don’t eat too much sugar…and the rest will come (or not) as it always has (or hasn’t).

We are five days into the new year and I am now feeling ready to speak to the year past. Cult leadership has once again proven to be a broncin’ buck of a certain virility. That said, I remain honored and humbled by the challenges and rewards! Followership was certainly flat, and that's on me. However, another year has come and gone with a grand total of zero incidents of ritualistic sexual abuse. Enough said.

I hope it goes without saying that ACAN is fervently apolitical, it being essentially a-everything. I am choosing to discuss my presidential vote simply for the heck of it and want all followers to feel rest assured that their political ideations will be free from the dictates of ACAN theology. I voted for her for lots of reasons. And he’s just so icky.

I don't know what business, if any, ACAN has in the world of television critique. And surely it goes without saying that all followers are free to enjoy and extol the virtue of whatever show they choose. However, effective immediately, all ACAN followers must at least be open to the possibility that The Bear absolutely shit the bed in Season Three! Extended close-ups on pores and wrinkles underscored by ethereal music is NOT brilliance. It's highbrow mediocrity at best. And pretentious, emo-gustatory porn where I’m sitting. Then, throw in the audacity to cliffhang, and I am friggin’ done. Peace and love and check out Bad Monkey on Apple TV.

For the first seven years of my life, I lived on the county line between Montgomery and Bucks counties in Pennsylvania. I was on the Montgomery side, and unbeknownst to me, Ween was on the other side. Though this mattered little at the time, I suppose. My best friend was the neighbor boy next-door, and his property was adjacent to a quarry where we would play, climbing on the rocks and throwing sticks down into the water. A dinner bell would echo off the walls of the quarry calling us home, had we not already headed there of our own will. Shoot! I completely forgot where I was going with this story. I mean, it’s not like I can still hear that bell or anything like that. Oh well dear followers, as always, make of it what you will. Or not.

For reasons too involved (and boring!) to describe, ACAN leadership has been forced to tackle the issues associated with taking photographs in public spaces, particularly local landmarks, like…say… big wooden trolls. Posthaste: Followers will take and post their public pictures anyway they damn well see fit! If they chose to defer to some notion that it is their responsibility to protect random strangers from obscure visibility on some social media post, they may certainly do so, even to the peril of their own sense of perspective and reasonability. But think about it! Occasionally, ACAN believes some version of folksy, common sense MUST prevail. Or not.

A question was recently posed as to under what circumstances might ACAN become involved in an armed, paramilitary struggle. My first reaction was…well, none. After all, ACAN prides itself on not becoming involved in much of anything. And of course, I considered our lack of members and arms, but only briefly. Only to land upon this: ACAN will take up arms against any group or groups that threaten the well-being of beagles. As you were, soldier.